In the interest of Giving the People What They Want – if you get the ref we can be friends and maybe kiss a little – I paid even closer attention than usual to the metrics on today’s chive post in semi-real time.
The post hit r/popular in under 90 minutes. Nearly all of the chive posts do so, but this was on the quick side. In order to hit one of the front pages a post has to get a bunch of upvotes pretty quickly – 4000 upvotes in an hour will do the trick nicely. All of those upvotes are coming from people actively viewing the subreddit; generally this means people SUBSCRIBED to the subreddit who are frequently on their Reddit Home page. In simple terms, the bulk of the upvotes come from people who actively participate in this community.
In that same time the OP got 5 reports and there are maybe 10 downvoted comments complaining about chives.
So what do the people actually want? Aside from hugs and chainsaws, the actual real numbers continue to show that the people actively involved in this subreddit *want the goddamn chive posts*.
In the immortal words of ~~Frank “Grabass” Hernandez~~ Chuck Taylor: “Put the cake on his dick!” I don’t know what that has to do with chives but it’s what the people want.
Fear not the man who has cut 10000 chives one time. Fear the man who has cut 1 cup of chives 10000 times.
RockingInTheCLE
I just need you to know that I cannot cook to save my life, and have no idea how these posts started showing up on my feed, but I’m committed now. I feel like this will turn into something similar to the Olympics – you’re doing something I could never do, but dammit, I will judge the hell out of your performance. Thank you, Chef.
(but cripes, a little consistency in your sizing, please)
Thought of this when I saw some love in my miso soup yesterday 🫶🏻
Kex_Luthor
The start and end of the chives is where they often separate and kinda miss the blade edge just a smidge. To counter this I cut the bunch right over the middle and fold so you have a fresh, uniform edge to start from (or just do the one “side” at a time if perfection is of the essence). Once you get to the end, take your time and collect the bunch often, and if they end up wonky: use them for something else.. Hope this makes sense in english
# “You can’t manage what you don’t measure” Peter Drucker
Method:
ImageJ>Analyze>Tools>Apply grid (each square is 50,000 pixels)
Manually measured one chive per square. Individual chive must be reasonably perpendicular to camera, with unobscured edges, and not touching grid lines. Measured at least 30 chives per image. If a candidate chive was closer to the center of the area, I selected that one. The cut surfaces of the chive must also be unambiguous.
The measurement is in pixels, not normalized to any known length. Errors can be due to camera distance, focus, chive angle, layout of chive spread. Thin sliced chives are also more likely to lay as an “O” because they don’t have enough sidewall to hold them up (most evident on Day 8). Mangled chives or unfully-cut-through chives (doublets/triplets) were rejected during data collection.
40 Comments
https://preview.redd.it/m4bewksldbyf1.png?width=274&format=png&auto=webp&s=ee071893e69f8f0c4a636bf04b3857c102db2a89
The chives are angry at you for this.
See you tomorrow chef
I’m here early. I just want to say:
Good luck and Godspeed chef.
Let’s hope for no planes, it’s looking great’ (As Always)
Aren’t you ever tempted to pick out the imperfect ones and give them another go ?
IT’S CHIVE TIME!!
https://i.redd.it/oanb14j0ebyf1.gif
**EDIT:**
In the interest of Giving the People What They Want – if you get the ref we can be friends and maybe kiss a little – I paid even closer attention than usual to the metrics on today’s chive post in semi-real time.
The post hit r/popular in under 90 minutes. Nearly all of the chive posts do so, but this was on the quick side. In order to hit one of the front pages a post has to get a bunch of upvotes pretty quickly – 4000 upvotes in an hour will do the trick nicely. All of those upvotes are coming from people actively viewing the subreddit; generally this means people SUBSCRIBED to the subreddit who are frequently on their Reddit Home page. In simple terms, the bulk of the upvotes come from people who actively participate in this community.
In that same time the OP got 5 reports and there are maybe 10 downvoted comments complaining about chives.
So what do the people actually want? Aside from hugs and chainsaws, the actual real numbers continue to show that the people actively involved in this subreddit *want the goddamn chive posts*.
In the immortal words of ~~Frank “Grabass” Hernandez~~ Chuck Taylor: “Put the cake on his dick!” I don’t know what that has to do with chives but it’s what the people want.
https://preview.redd.it/3zmldbz6ebyf1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=ea81bdf0fe685f8ee5ec8752cc8a9275ad7bf88e
Giving /u/KarmaKrazi a run for their money
https://preview.redd.it/iehrg51mebyf1.jpeg?width=591&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3eaab2b14abf45d3059b127ce1e707afa01f0e4
Again!
Well, only one plane today… Not sure that’s better though. See you tomorrow chef!
I was legitimately concerned I hadn’t seen this. I can’t wait for the day, in a year or so, where everyone is like “Great Job chef!”
This is a tradition now.

Scanning for imperfections…

I hope you make tomorrow spooky, chef!
100 times to learn, 1000 times to master..
Keep it up buttercup.
https://preview.redd.it/okuoomjhfbyf1.jpeg?width=542&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72d1c269e270611d8461bb977a358c0405ad7bf2
:/
I love chives in my cream cheese
https://preview.redd.it/qxurvuwofbyf1.png?width=897&format=png&auto=webp&s=ade7a5318563743400a1a3bc1da40db3126a52f6
L
https://preview.redd.it/nm6u167nfbyf1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7bddc66fe169a6aed137a327dedbf27d8afb23b0
Happy Halloween, chef. See you tomorrow 🎃
Chef is time to clean the camera lens
do you think this is okay? cause its not. try again.
https://preview.redd.it/1loqg2xrfbyf1.png?width=1184&format=png&auto=webp&s=0d837be09be9bda1872f72607a8a5a74df71bb95
Fear not the man who has cut 10000 chives one time. Fear the man who has cut 1 cup of chives 10000 times.
I just need you to know that I cannot cook to save my life, and have no idea how these posts started showing up on my feed, but I’m committed now. I feel like this will turn into something similar to the Olympics – you’re doing something I could never do, but dammit, I will judge the hell out of your performance. Thank you, Chef.
(but cripes, a little consistency in your sizing, please)

https://preview.redd.it/iom7l4uphbyf1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fefcb9cb7c181c931efdc18e33fbe28438f0d1c7
Thought of this when I saw some love in my miso soup yesterday 🫶🏻
The start and end of the chives is where they often separate and kinda miss the blade edge just a smidge. To counter this I cut the bunch right over the middle and fold so you have a fresh, uniform edge to start from (or just do the one “side” at a time if perfection is of the essence).
Once you get to the end, take your time and collect the bunch often, and if they end up wonky: use them for something else.. Hope this makes sense in english
💚
https://preview.redd.it/nx3tjsrmibyf1.png?width=360&format=png&auto=webp&s=6104ab13d0bb3e5ee8030d5f5a40211df23bc6d7
https://preview.redd.it/92lyft2ajbyf1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58ba96a685ff93858cb1eb5172e90dc4ef177358
nope
I had a bad day and just wanted to come here and ANGRILY FIND A MISTAKE…
It was therapeutic, thank you
Sisyphus has come to cut the chive yet again
https://preview.redd.it/pinz6w81kbyf1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a24cb236500641b5169dd9f0e4518677821ecbc7
His knife: “im tired boss.”

HEY EVERYONE CHIVE GUY POSTED GET THE FUCK IN HERE
https://preview.redd.it/q1sv6hj2mbyf1.jpeg?width=832&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5f9b26d98faf1d6b2cc2a2c5e034f86cdc30529
:c
I haven’t worked in a kitchen in 8 years but I’ve been following you on this journey friend.
That being said, are you cutting these with a snickers bar? Back to work!
Big chive stocks 📈📈📈📈
https://preview.redd.it/wlrcwflbpbyf1.png?width=760&format=png&auto=webp&s=69861d05f5179aaa528f150d3bda658bc704db0d
I’m sad.
And so so happy that I’ll see you tomorrow, chef.
https://preview.redd.it/re9cv0npobyf1.png?width=1204&format=png&auto=webp&s=13872b0926adb5d3a72a464408f30c1b2ae348d3
# “You can’t manage what you don’t measure” Peter Drucker
Method:
ImageJ>Analyze>Tools>Apply grid (each square is 50,000 pixels)
Manually measured one chive per square. Individual chive must be reasonably perpendicular to camera, with unobscured edges, and not touching grid lines. Measured at least 30 chives per image. If a candidate chive was closer to the center of the area, I selected that one. The cut surfaces of the chive must also be unambiguous.
The measurement is in pixels, not normalized to any known length. Errors can be due to camera distance, focus, chive angle, layout of chive spread. Thin sliced chives are also more likely to lay as an “O” because they don’t have enough sidewall to hold them up (most evident on Day 8). Mangled chives or unfully-cut-through chives (doublets/triplets) were rejected during data collection.
https://preview.redd.it/5tozhiwitbyf1.png?width=593&format=png&auto=webp&s=208bd296dfb363312fa0d7a0f4bf29fdb67500e5
Are you trying to kill me with this log?
See ya tomorrow chef.
On day 69, I think we just give it to him. Even if the chives are absolutely butchered.
YOU WONT MAKE IT TO DAY 25! Hahahahahaha
https://preview.redd.it/774x3xt7ubyf1.png?width=864&format=png&auto=webp&s=6a00a69335b2e8c5abeaa4999a29e8962946718b